Snapshots and Synapses

This isn’t one of my more typical posts. I’ve decided to share personal observations after more than half a century on this earth. I was visiting a friend in the hospital, and as I was signing out with the receptionist, a woman with a young teenage daughter asked my opinion: do guys like false eyelashes? She was trying to make a point with her daughter about being genuine. I gave her my opinion, talked a little bit, and walked to my car reflecting on how hard it is to be a teenager, especially with all the many voices that often offer contradictory advice.  It caused me to wonder, so I did an internet search on what guys find attractive. Finding more opinions than scientific conclusion, I decided that my thoughts were just as valid as any one else. So I’ll give you the bottom line up front: guys are attracted to what they perceive as healthy.  Physical Attraction I realized at a relatively young age that what I found attractive, another guy might not and vice versa. There is a...

  " Nevertheless, each one of you must also love [ agape ] his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect [ phobeo ] her husband ."  Ephesians 5:33 It is not our nature to live in the way this verse describes. The Greek words describe a sacrificial and intentional love for wives as well as a reverent and fearful respect that defers to the authority of husbands.  But we are naturally selfish and rebellious. We can often rightly point out that our wives and children don't treat us with respect. As men we need to feel respected, admired, within our homes, even more than our need to feel loved. Nonetheless, we are called to lead our households. We can be good leaders or bad leaders, but either way we are leaders of our families.  So turning our thoughts away from how our needs as men are often not met, consider this:  ~ Are you living a life that is worthy of respect?  ~ Do you understand who you are called to be by God as the leader of ...

Intimacy, Desire and Ability  “Boys use emotional intimacy to get physical intimacy and girls use physical intimacy to get emotional intimacy.” The words I heard in college returned to me as I read about a Scandinavian study that showed how 16 year old girls’ self-esteem declined when in a sexual relationship; conversely, 16 year old boys’ self-esteem went up. It made sense. The girls were selling a part of themselves to have a need met, but the boys were discovering a need they weren’t even aware of being fulfilled.  It also brought back to mind a book my future father-in-law handed me as I dated his daughter: “I Loved a Girl” by Walter Trobisch . Trobisch was an African pastor who brilliantly wrote about physical and emotional intimacy, using a triangle to illustrate the importance of balancing emotional and physical intimacy as a couple progresses in their relationship. I am so grateful for my father-in-law in general, and I especially appreciate him being bold and lov...

The Foundation of Love  Some of the best things in life are easy to understand but hard to implement, and when the simple things get difficult, our tendency is to over-complicate the simple. Love is a great example. It is both a decision and a feeling, and because it is often made up of such conflicting desires, people sometimes give up on understanding and refer to it as a great mystery of life.  There are seven Greek words for love and three Hebrew words, but we only need to be focused  on divine love. Paul wrote about this kind of divine unconditional love that is often quoted at marriage ceremonies:  Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. ...

We shouldn’t steer away from difficult conversations or controversy, and it’s important to understand opposing views if we are to influence the world around us with the truth of Scripture. This is a hard topic, and I ask that you don’t assume where I’m going with this subject. So here it goes… What’s wrong with this scenario: in a public forum, a prominent minister was asked how he would respond to a certain woman’s name. (https://youtu.be/NeNKHqpBcgc) His response was direct and cutting: “Go Home!” From the response of the crowd, he obviously knew his audience. They laughed and applauded his response, creating a reason for a post-Christian culture to become outraged. In this case, the woman is wildly popular as a Christian teacher, the head a ministry that has inspired countless people.  Let’s suppose for a moment that he had every reason to criticize her teachings as unbiblical. Was his response appropriate? Did he respond in a firm, clear and loving fashion to another ...

As I’m typing this, I am privileged to be celebrating over 20 years with my bride, and I’m fortunate to have a very happy marriage. I know there are so many things that go into a happy marriage, and I know that it takes both God’s grace and our willingness to cooperate with Him that ultimately creates and sustains a happy union. Life is sometimes hard, and when marriage gets difficult it’s easy to think there’s only one of two options available: 1) suffer through it or 2) get out of the marriage and have a chance at happiness. But there’s a third choice, and I believe it’s the best choice: Join God in making a happy marriage. By the way, to all the young, unmarried people out there, don’t think this message doesn’t apply to you. The habits and attitudes that you develop now will go into your marriage, so much more than you realize!  So flash back over twenty years and relive a scene with me: a much younger, thinner, and more arrogant version of me late one night in Washington...

My views about marriage and divorce have been refined in recent years. When Deb and I were engaged, we decided that the word “divorce” would never be an option. Like every marriage, we’ve gone through trials, coming out stronger and closer on the other side of each relational bump-in-the-road. It’s not been easy, but as we celebrate our 20th anniversary this month I can say without hesitation that it’s been worth it! I love her intensely and would not want to have spent these past couple decades with anyone else. So for all intents and purposes, the word “divorce” was not in my vocabulary, and whenever I’ve heard of a couple considering the option, I’ve just wanted to yell something to encourage them to hang in there, to find the good thing that God has for them in the marriage, to not settle for just an “okay” marriage, and to fight for a great marriage! Now, in my heart, I know that God really does work all things together for good, but I’ve also come to understand just how depr...

copyright ©2010 Mitchell Malloy ( http://mitchellmalloyblogspot.com/ ) Well, now that we have become an Obama nation (not quite the same as “abomination”) and as elections start to loom in the distance, I hear people saying: “how’s that hope thing working out for you?”. The last presidential election was, after all, centered on “hope” and “change”. But I’m not writing about campaign strategies or critiquing the performance of our statesmen. I’m focused on our need for hope as individuals. Where is the hope? I see and sometimes feel a great absence of hope as marriages struggle, finances crumble, and life-long vocations teeter. One co-worker of mine despairingly acknowledged current events and trends with a corollary statement of “might as well have a drink and not think about it”. In other words, find your drug of choice and pretend there’s no problem to fix. While I acknowledge that avoidance can be a valid short-term tactic, it’s a dangerous long-term strategy. Healthy organization...