Being a Man
Truth and Lies
I’m writing this to those were born male and to dispel some lies about being a man. One lie is that masculinity is toxic or that one gender is better than another. There are some traits that are inherently masculine and some that are feminine. There are also traits that apply to both genders: intelligence, creativity, resilience, etc. As people we made in God’s Image (See Genesis 1:27) and we were made to be loved and to love others.
Yet chances are, you’ve been lied to about the facts of life and what it means to be a man. Male traits are not inherently “toxic”. Our disposition to act selfishly, cowardly and foolishly is toxic. It’s our fallen nature that bends our strengths into weaknesses. Women and men are equally “toxic”. I’ve seen women do more damage with words than any blow thrown by an abusive man, but that’s not making a case for toxic femininity. It’s simply an example of our shared depravity. Both men and women were made in the image of God and called to become something greater than what most people are willing to pursue.
I’m not going to list out masculine and feminine traits, but I will focus on two traits: strength and weakness. Both genders can be strong; both can be weak. Strength is often associated with men. Our bodies are built for carrying a heavy burden and exerting greater physical force than the average woman. Sure, strength can be abused, and women can also be strong. Strength abused is not toxic masculinity; it’s simply toxic behavior. We are called to exercise inner strength in order to channel our outer strength.
Weakness is also often associated with men in the pursuit of sexual gratification. Some people even glorify this weakness as one of the advantages of being a man, that men are free to pursue licentious behavior without consequence, which is another lie. Again, inner fortitude is needed, focused on what a man is called to be.
The truth is that we are called to live in a certain way, but we often choose to act differently. There is a difference between our perfect calling and our often less than perfect behavior. My answer to “What is a Man?” will focus on who a man is called to be. It’s up to you to decide if you will answer the call.
So what is a man?
As a man, you were made to overcome challenges: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual challenges. The world is hard. We occasionally get respites from the battle and can often feel fatigued from the constant challenge, which is why we need to build rest into our routine so we can persevere in our calling. But as men, we are most satisfied when we have pushed through a challenge and found victory, pressing past the momentary discomforts that resisted our efforts. We need adventure, and it’s never really an adventure without a challenge. We desire the admiration of others, but more: we need to respect ourselves as men. We do that as challenge-overcomers.
It's easy to get discouraged and settle for something less, to allow ourselves to just be comfortable or to pursue some pleasurable distraction. As already mentioned, we need to rest to recuperate, but it’s with the goal of getting back up and ultimately winning the battle. We need time to celebrate our victories and time to contemplate what we’ve learned from any set-back. In the end, us men feel satisfaction knowing that we have achieved a greater outcome by denying a lesser reward. We are driven by purpose, and to stay focused, we need to remind ourselves of our higher goals… as well as the consequences of pursuing lesser things! Nothing should distract us from our calling.
As men, we should be pushing ourselves to be stronger, smarter, better. As men, we have a duty to be the best version of ourselves possible within life’s constraints. We get stronger with each challenge we overcome, and we also get stronger by being intentional in how we choose to spend our time between challenges.
Worthy Challenges
One of the heroes of the Bible is David. He is referred to as man who had a heart like God. He was a shepherd, a poet, a warrior, a musician, and a king. He did so many things right, but he failed to live out his calling perfectly. He pursued a challenge that was not worthy of his calling, having an affair with another man’s wife and ultimately arranging the death of her husband. But in the end he acknowledged his bad behavior and trusted in God.
Like David, we will make mistakes, and when we fall down, the Bible tells us to get up. (Proverbs 24:16) We have innumerable chances to get up and try again. In fact, the biblical understanding of “repentance” means to turn away from what is wrong and change both our attitude and behavior toward what is right. It is so much more than the modern-day understanding of regret. We can regret our unworthy pursuits, but that is meaningless unless we find and pursue a worthy challenge.
A worthy challenge extends beyond our self and impacts others. Sure, initially we need to be able to fend for ourselves. It’s the first challenge of a man: to become our own man. Providing for ourselves is the first step to the larger challenge of providing for others, and while we understand that ultimately God is our Provider, we represent Him as a provider for others, first to our family and then to our larger community. We fulfill a need in others lives that only we can fulfill and create an extra burden for others when we fail to do our part.
Our calling as providers goes hand in hand with our role as protector. Our strength as men is channeled into these two worthy challenges, and it’s essential for men to pass this on to the next generation. Our strength fades as we age, first physically and then mentally. As believers, we trust that we will be given resurrection bodies, but we need to pass the baton to others in this world… to those who are willing to answer the call to provide and protect their family and community.
Focused and Pure
Understanding all of this is essential to understanding why purity is important for us men. The pursuit of pleasure is a distraction. Sure, we do all need down time: rest is an important component to getting stronger, and we should enjoy the good things that God has given. So it’s good to find pleasure in life, but the pursuit of pleasure is a distraction that carries a cost.
People make fun of purity. Why is that? Why do people ridicule the person who dreams of a better way and by their actions pursues it? People who have given up hope for themselves discourage others from hoping to become more than what they currently are. To leave poverty, a person must first forsake the poverty mindset and endure the ridicule of others who have come to believe that poverty is all they can hope for. But everyone who escapes poverty protects the dream for others to follow.
It is always within our power to say no to any distracting pleasure, and the more we do, the better we get at becoming the man we called to be. However, the more we yield to it, the less we respect ourselves and the more likely we are to buy into the lie that we are just too weak. Every step in the right direction reinforces who we were made to be. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and the reality is that we all stumble as we get stronger, more at first and less over time.
It’s also important to understand that we are never strong enough to power through it on our own. I’m reminded that I can do all things through Christ, Who gives me strength (Phil 4:13). Ask for strength to do the right thing and keep moving forward as one empowered, as best you can. Turn your mind to the more important goal rather than focusing on the lesser reward; transform your thought process and act upon the greater pursuit. And if the greater goal is unclear, then spend time with God to make it more clear. Turn your eyes away from the lesser things and look upon the greater things.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~ Philippians 4:8
Now, by practicing purity, we as men are better able to protect others. We protect ourself first by building up our spiritual muscles, our mental fortitude, and we are strengthening ourself to protect the wife that God may bring into our life, whether currently single or married. Finally, our sexual purity protects the lives of potential, unborn children.
Let that last thought settle in. You were made to be a protector, but how can you do that if you are giving into the pleasure of the moment with a woman who will abort your child? The pleasure of physical intimacy is a gift of God that can result in a new life, your son or daughter, but how can you provide for and protect that little one if you aren’t exercising your strength within a lifelong, marriage relationship? You literally can be a lifesaver.
Our society has no provision for a man to raise a child the mother doesn’t want. They say it’s her body and her right. Sadly, the laws of California now considers an infant within her right to “abort” up to 30 days after birth. If you want to protect your children, stay sexually pure until marriage. Practice sexual purity in your thought life, in the activities you pursue, and the marriage bed will be that much more satisfying. You will enjoy the reality of your wife rather than comparing it with the fantasies you’ve entertained. You are protecting her and your love for her. If single, you are protecting the potential love you may have, and more importantly you grow with the Divine.
There is nothing more manly and strong than seeking purity. If you believe that, then be careful what you choose to see or what you allow your mind to dwell upon. It doesn’t matter if you’ve always been committed to purity throughout your life or if it’s a renewed commitment. It is part of your calling, an enabler to fulfilling your role as provider and protector. From this moment on, it is my hope and prayer that you commit to being the provider and protector you were made to be.
copyright ©2022 Mitchell Malloy (http://mitchellmalloyblogspot.com/)
